When a loved one is living with dementia, everyday conversations can feel different from how they once were. Dementia affects memory, language, sensory perception, and emotional processing, which sometimes make communication more challenging. Even well-intentioned words may be misunderstood or cause unintended frustration.
This is why sensitivity, patience, compassion, and empathy are so important. Every interaction is an opportunity to provide comfort, build connection, and foster trust.
In this blog, we explore 20 things not to say to someone with dementia and suggest supportive alternatives. With a deeper understanding of dementia communication and person-centered strategies, families can help their loved ones feel respected, understood, and secure.
Why Words Matter in Dementia Care
Individuals with dementia may interpret and respond to communication in ways that are different from before the condition developed. They might misread tone, forget context, or find fast-paced conversations or complex language more challenging to follow. For this reason, certain statements – especially those involving memory, correction, confrontation, or loss – can sometimes cause confusion or emotional discomfort.
Language that is compassionate and person-centered can help reinforce dignity and support emotional well-being. Thoughtful, gentle words are a meaningful way to honor the person within, nurture understanding, and maintain a reassuring, positive connection.
The Top 20 Things Not to Say to Someone with Dementia (and What to Say Instead)
Even well-intentioned words can sometimes create confusion or frustration for someone living with dementia. The examples below offer gentle, supportive ways to communicate that help maintain connection, comfort, and understanding.
Unintentionally Invalidating or Dismissive Statements
Sometimes, even when we mean well, the way we phrase things can unintentionally make a loved one feel misunderstood or self-conscious.
- “I just told you that.”
Instead: Calmly repeat the information or gently redirect the conversation. - “You’re wrong; that didn’t happen.”
Instead: Acknowledge the emotion behind the statement and redirect with kindness. - “You don’t remember, do you?”
Instead: Avoid pointing out memory loss. Offer cues or reassurance without pressure.
Memory-Related Questions That Cause Anxiety
Sometimes the way a question is asked can unintentionally create confusion, frustration, or anxiety.
- “Do you remember who I am?”
Instead: Let them know who you are. Offer supportive statements such as, “It’s so nice to spend time with you.” - “What did you have for breakfast?”
Instead: Avoid asking questions that rely on short-term memory. - “When was the last time you saw [person/place]?”
Instead: Say things like, “I love when we visit [person/place] together.”
Reminders of Loss or Confusion
Direct reminders of change, loss, or transitions can sometimes feel overwhelming.
- “Your husband/wife passed away; don’t you remember?”
- “You can’t live alone anymore.”
- “That’s not your home.”
Instead: Use comforting, present-focused language like “You’re safe here,” or “I’m here with you.”
Commands or Complex Instructions
Multiple steps at once can overwhelm someone experiencing cognitive decline.
- “Get dressed, eat breakfast, and meet me outside.”
- “You have to take your medicine right now.”
- “Hurry up – we’re late!”
Instead: Offer one simple instruction at a time in a calm, positive tone. Allow extra time for processing.
Patronizing or Infantilizing Language
Language that sounds belittling can damage dignity and trust.
- “Good boy/girl!”
- “Sweetie, you just sit there and behave.”
- “You’re being dramatic.” or “You’re acting like a child.”
Instead: Use age-appropriate, respectful communication with warmth and empathy.
Direct Confrontation or Argumentative Phrases
Correcting or challenging can escalate tension and increase distress.
- “That’s not true.”
- “Stop saying that.”
- “You already told me that before.”
Instead: Validate the feeling behind the words and gently redirect the interaction.
Expressions That Cause Fear or Distress
Threats or critical comments heighten anxiety and may lead to withdrawal or agitation.
- “If you don’t behave, we’re leaving.”
- “You’re making no sense.”
Instead: Speak calmly, use gentle reassurance, and maintain emotional safety.
By choosing thoughtful, compassionate words and focusing on connection, families and caregivers can help their loved ones feel safe, respected, and supported in every conversation.
Strategies for Effective Communication with Dementia
Small shifts can make communication more comfortable and supportive.
- Use validation therapy to focus on feelings rather than facts.
- Speak slowly, clearly, and with a warm, positive tone.
- Maintain eye contact, and offer gentle touch when appropriate.
- Reduce background noise and distractions.
- Remember: Connection and reassurance are more important than accuracy or correction.
These strategies support compassionate, understanding interactions rooted in patience and respect.
Person-Centered Care in Action: Compassion at Duxbury House
At Duxbury House, communication is more than a skill – it is a core part of our person-centered care philosophy. Our team receives extensive training to understand dementia communication challenges and respond with empathy, respect, and sensitivity.
Through thoughtfully designed Memory Care activities, supportive routines, and staff dedicated to honoring each resident’s individuality, we create an environment where every person feels valued, understood, and emotionally secure.
By prioritizing connection over correction and comfort over confrontation, we foster a quality of life that reflects compassion at every step.
At Duxbury House, Our Compassionate Team Is Here to Guide You
Contact us today to learn how our Memory Care programs and supportive environment can make a meaningful difference for your family.